Un jour où une pensée aléatoire est mieux que rien !

Says Dostoevsky.

Entering the third year of my unemployment years and my stay in France. I can’t really say how much I progress, or just circle around or  maybe still stuck in the same place. Since I have left the highway , I have yet to find a road from where is going to lead me to my personal legend. This winding road seems lasting forever with no sign of end yet.

But yeah. I did accomplished something though. I have worked my ass doing my first random job in a restaurant (I remembered when I was fed up with my work in DHI, I said : ” I wouldn’t mind working as a waitress just to give me a chance to try something new”. Huh, talking about being careful of what you wished for). It was really tough in the beginning with adjusting my pride (from white collar to no collar ? :D) , coping with late working hours and demanding service, dealing with a harsh boss and those hours  I missed for spending time with Pierre on the weekend). But I did what I could, and it wasn’t ended so bad. Elizabeth and Thomas did praise me for my rapid adaptability and I clearly made them heartbroken by quitting my post in the beginning of May. (well I felt guilty, but at that time I had the impression that I am just spinning my wheel in the mud  – I was tired and have no clue where is this going).

Secondly, I nailed down the examination of code de route for my permis conduire in just one try. Everyone said that is pretty awesome, considering even the native french normally have it 2-3 times before they pass it (mouihihihi). That was April, and now I nearly finish my horaires de conduire. I just got a date for the practical driving exam on the 20th of September. Let’s wish me another good luck for that.

Lastly, I realize this past year I have been living a quality life which I have yearned for when I was in Singapore : private appartement just for us, plenty time for doing stuff like wood crafting, gardening, learning ukulele , weekly farmer market for fresh food ingredients, surrounding nature escapade with a nearly tropical climate and plenty sun ! GOSH how I am spoiled.

It’s clear that EVERYTHING I got now IS what I HAVE BEEN WISHED for. Only that the universe won’t give me all at the same time. Wisdom can only grow with hardship. And it makes me appreciate more things than taking them for granted.

So I shouldn’t be too harsh and beat myself down in this journey. Of course things can be rough without money (thousand euro is due upon my obtention of permis de conduire, my bank account got stolen and I haven’t received anything from insurance, the next rental fee for my new lodgement in Marignane is due in 2 weeks, there is this I-can’t-rely-on-Pierre in next few months, and of course whatever anchors I have in Indonesia). Seems a lot. But it could be worse, and I think a lot more people have a bigger luggage or even guns in their throat.

Rather than worried about uncertainties and anxious with my money problem, I should focus on my accomplishment, milestone by milestone

Year 1 :

• Getting an experience in international development work (Kopernik)  √
• Live in our own flat (thanks to Pierre’s support) √

Year 2 : 

• Speak more french (more explication, phone conversational) √
• Doing wood crafting, gardening   √
• Get a job (anything) in France √ – although I quitted after 4 months…
• Get permis conduire (soon)

Year 3  (to be accomplised) : 

• Be completely independent
• Buy my first car
• Able to save money
• Visiting my family in Indonesia

 

Well there you go, I hope I am able to accomplish that by next year. At least, I have a sight where to direct my journey now (although the path is not yet paved up) . I will have just to give my best and leave the universe set its conspiration in helping my wishes comes true. Gotta respect their way.  Borrowing from the wisdom of Paulo Coelho :

When we first begin fighting for a dream, we have no experience and make mistakes.The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times. We warriors of light must be prepared to have patience in difficult times and to know the Universe is conspiring in our favor, even though we may not understand how.

 

Clearing out the muddy mind

“Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty.” Frank Herbert

For the last 15 years  I have been following what the society deemed to be as the most notable way of living. I studied hard and got into top school with scholarship. All of them, from the one nation best high school, University in Singapore and then Postgraduates program from European schools. I kept my grades just enough to get above the average and to maintain my performance required for the scholarship. I never get into serious trouble and seemed always make my parents proud.  Don’t get me wrong, I did this for my own sake. At that time, making my parents happy simply made me happy, and having my financial independent had always been my desire.  So it’s win-win solution and my interest is aligned perfectly with the values of society.

After I finished my master degree, I worked directly in a multi-national company as an engineer. Ok, it was not some kind of a big known corporation and the salary was average, but anyway I secured my own cubicle and therefore I earned my status as a white collar professional. The job is sometimes interesting , varies as much as the stress level. I had great colleagues and it was a good working ambience overall. My boss trusted me and I have confident in my competency. It was up and downhill go-go but my career is on track.

Things are bound to change and I know it’s inevitable. I start missing something. It was not clear what it was, but I just felt I don’t want my life continue to its predictable path. Well, nothing wrong with the predictable path, It’s safe and you can still get some surprise out of it, It is one of many way of life after all. I just felt I want more options. What if I want to do A ? what if I work as a B ?  what if I want to make Z ? It is a naive thinking, but it kept haunting me somehow. By the time a trigger is pulled,  I jumped into the water. I quit my job and I bid good bye to my 8-years-comfort-home : Singapore. I am not alone though, I followed my husband and our gutsy decision. We travelled, lived like  nomads and tried out different things. It was more of emotional journey, partly fun but I probably wont do it again for  a long long time.

1.5 years later, I regret nothing. I came to love my current life and everything I have been through. I finally found the light in the other end of tunnel. The ABZ mystery are gradually revealed and things begin to take its shape. I am excited to look forward, to pursue them with all my best effort.

My parents seems not so happy though, they think I should not waste my degree and and get reputable job in a company instead, stick to my education background and common social norm. Well, I wish I knew how to make my parents understand my thought. I am grateful for what they have done for me and I will always respect them. But my life still mine, and not theirs.

Now, I might start disagree with the values of society where I was born and raised. But I think I will survive just fine 🙂 The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. Happy new year.

Salon de Provence,  18-12-2015.

P.S.  Next month, the author will start her new part-time job as a commis de cuisine in a restaurant sushi nearby her apartment in Salon de Provence, France. She also starts getting few leads to  some freelance translation works through internet. She is  working her way  to open a food truck restaurant, bringing Japanese street-food delicacies into relatively new market  areas in the Southern France. She want to do biking tour in next  summer and hope to provide a tour service someday. She wants to write a book and possibly make a movie about the journey of her distanced-uncle who was a political outcast during 1965. She want to craft more with the wood element, grow mushroom farm, and own an export-import business someday. More importantly, she want to continue to live close to nature, be creative  and forever enjoy the liberty.

Kopernik Fellowship 2015 – Field Work week 1

It has been only a week in the field, but the amounts of experiences are definitely worth to brag about. At least for me, the first couple days of my Kopernik Fellowship in Larantuka East Flores were a pleasant discovery, a fun learning exchange and a somewhat emotional journey.

Here are the highlights!

Meet with the Royal Family of Larantuka

It was Sunday. Everyone seems impatiently to start the first day in Larantuka. We came out from hotel toward the main street and stroll around. Few meters away we stumbled upon a panel, which said: Larantuka’s King Palace. For real? A king of Larantuka ? We then entered the area with old traditional houses where a man from one of the oldest house came out to greet us. We all soon learnt his name is Pak Herry, being the son in law of the first child of the last king of Larantuka. We were excited to be received in the “palace” and to talk briefly about the history of King Larantuka. What a good starting point for staying in a town!

Town parade in an open pick up – the coolest way to go around the city

Thanks to Arya’s connection, we get to know Ibu Umi. We visited Ibu Umi’s house to get more information on the available accommodation for longer term.  Since her place is located in a densely populated area, as soon as 3 bule cantik came in – you can imagine how much attention we got. And it was just getting more interesting when Ibu Umi took us in an open pick up for an afternoon drive to see places. Of course we went along with the other neighbor’s families and basket of snacks. It is a picnic time!

Celebration of Tubuh dan darah Kristus – and witness the Kopernik’s solar lights in action!

Celebration of Tubuh dan darah Kristus (body and blood of Christ) is once in a year catholic ceremony in Larantuka. The Priests and the followers chanted and marched in a designated route, where candles are being lit up along the road. They stopped in several points in front of chapels, where a beautifully decorated altar has been prepared for prays.

We were lucky to catch this event and even more, to see Kopernik’s technologies in a real action. Two bright box were utilized for the big hanging lanterns, and almost thirties D-300 solar light illuminated the road and the altar all the night. In addition, they brought along on marching several D-300 for the main priest in order for him to be able to read the prayer text. Several priests also took a glass of our “free drinking water service” from Nazava bening-2 filter.  That’s what our products for! Mission accomplished.

Personal Carrefour service and the fan clubs!

Me and Arya made a joke one time, “if we made statistic about how many bemo (public transport in larantuka) are honking us while we were walking, the result will be quite staggering”. It is true; walking along with three bules in this town is surely attracting everyone’s attention. Every bemos were literally stop and asked us to go with them. We even get this Carrefour service from the bemo, that they often take us to our point destination instead of dropping us in the normal route. Not to mention inside, it can be quite funky music ambience. Get us a beer and we are ready to live up the party !

 

Loire by Bicycle

April 2015. Spring seemed to come and go hastily, that summer is peeking up around the corner. I finally smell freedom and freedom calls for adventure. This year, Pierre has successfully coined up the idea of travelling by bike. I was excited to know the route he wanted to do. The famous “loire a velo” route stretches 800 km from Bourges to Nantes along the river. We decided to start from Orleans, as it was the cheapest ticket we could find from Nancy. So then it is 2 weeks trip, 550 km and we aim for Nantes.

Preparation

Physically – not much. We aimed to pace slow anyway for 30-40 km per day. Day minus 1, we took our bike from atelier velo Dynamo and did some small works – fitting up the bags on the bike, putting pressure on the tire, and after a short test drive, Pierre had to change the front tire. We tried to pack light as possible – but still couldn’t compromise with the bulky sleeping bags and jacket (which is normally we wear on winter).

DAY 1 Nancy – Paris (Gare de L’est) – Paris (Gare d’Austerlitz) – Orleans

Catching up TGV on 8.15am was a small adventure itself. First,  was to get the bike around Gare, (lift was broken so we had to carry the fully charged bike over staircase). Inside TGV, the space for bike was quite small and we shared compartment with other passengers still. Arrived at Gare de L’est around 9.45am and started pedalling to Gare d’Austerlitz. There is special road for bike and direction is well indicated, altough quite often bike  road is taken by standby taxi, or loading truck. We had almost 3 hours till the next train departure – so on the way we stopped a bit to take pictures and even took a detour (a.k.a got lost). Took one hour to arrive Gare d’Austerlitz (normal biking time will be aorund 20 minutes). Had a coffee break and bought small lunch at nearby monoprix. Hopped on TER and had to dismantle several bags, since the Bike has to be stored upward.

In Paris

waiting for train

inside TER

Orleans – Beaugency (28 km)

Arrived at Orleans around 14.00, and started pedalling to direction La loire. The road is pretty straightforward, easy to find thanks to special signboard for Loire route – just follow the paneu. We were so excited when finally  leave the cities and entering the sub-urb and charming road of petite village. We hit the campsite in Beaugency around 5pm ! and time for apero.

Beginning loire route

first campsite

road in petit village

Break at Meung sur loire

DAY 2 Beaugency – Blois (35.5 km)

Packed up in the early morning.A chunk of grey cloud already hanging somewhere in the corner. We had coffee and bread and half an hour later started cycling to Muides sur Loire. Few minutes later it started raining. Not intense, but enough to get through my nerves. My legs was becoming heavy and I was pedalling as slow as people walking I guess. We found nothing in Muides sur Loire for temporary shelter, so we decided to continue and skipped Chateau Chambord route (Not a damn care about sightseeing in this kind of weather !!). Leaving Muides sur Loire, the road seemed infinite with the rain pouring hard on my face. I have to give up my front bags and gave it to Pierre to speed up my cycling. After about 20km, we were  so relieved to find Lavoir in Cour sur Loire (basically it’s place to wash up clothes in traditional village). We stopped and changes to dry clothes and cooked up some soup for lunch. Damn relieving.

At around 3pm the rain finally stopped. We quickly continue to bike the rest of 15 km distance. After a good long recharge, this seemed easy and we could enjoy the forest scenery. We entered the city of Blois at around 4.30pm, asked the nearby restaurant for water and decided to look place for Bivouac. Lucky not too far off the city centre, in the farm area we found a nice place hidden by the forest.

DAY 3 Blois (0 km)

It was raining the whole day. So we decided to stay and not biking. Visited little bit the city to buy food stuffs.

DAY 4 Blois – Amboise (42,5 km) + 8km

2 days in the rain, our tent was totally wet outside. We charged out once there was tiny window of rain stopping. Although It rained again later little bit, on and off. We pedalled fast today – covering the whole 42.5 km in 3 hours (oh yeah !!). The road entering the city Amboise, was descending pretty steep and passed through pedestrian area of tourist site. I proposed to stay in a hotel so that we can dry off our stuff. After asking the tourist information office, we were running from one city end to another end for 8 km, just because the stupid lady pointed us to Ibis Hotel, instead of Ibis budget hotel (hello, 30 euro different for one room). When we arrived, the reception was closed but luckily we can still entered by reserving in the machine. Borrowed a hair dryer in the receptionist and started the dry off operation of everything ! And finally, nothing beats warm shower.

DAY 5 Amboise – Tours (28 km) + Le Grand moulin (10km)

Skipped the route to Chenonceaux, as the weather seems not yet stable. We checked out as late as 12pm. Did a little bit sightseeing in the city and stocked up some food in carrefour. Although the city seems very nice, I felt a bit out of place with our bikes – amongst those classy tourist that came with Audi and BMW (plus I heard people speaks english everywhere). So we left quickly the city and continued our journey. We stopped in the bus stop for lunch (and again sheltering from the rain). Entered Tours in the late afternoon, and finally the sun was out. We bought some beers and drinking it in the park.

bus stop in Sunday

In Tours

Beer in the park

We continue futher to look for bivouac. There were some part of the route that is flooded so we had to climb over the hilly side and I could tell you it was not pleasant experience. People knew some place to do their stuff.

In the end, we succeed to find an opening in the farm, nearby Le Grand Moulin. It was good day and we were able to enjoy the whole sunset of that day.

DAY 6 Le Grand Moulin – Rigny en Usse (32 km)

The day started around 9.30 and we headed toward villandry. I found that one steel support for my bicycle was broken. We tried to find a bike shop who can perform wielding but had no luck. I was feeling a bit depressed ,as we continue pedalling, also because I knew it was gonna rain tonight and our tent is going to get wet again. We had lunch on the road near Brehemont. Just when I felt the day will end dull,in Rigny en Usse, I sighted a place – a shelter – in the middle of abandoned football field. It was small house for horse I guess and the bushes has started to grow wild in front of it. What a perfect bivouac.

the shelter

view from the house

location

Suddenly, a stormy night was not so bad anymore 🙂

DAY 7 Rigny en Usse – Saumur (45 km)

Weather weather weather ! The rain has finally dried up but then it came the wind. At 50km/hour and going south east, it was enough to waste away the sweat. But the show must go on anyway. So the journey continue. We passed through one seemingly nice small town and had quick visit. We had to go on detour on the way to Saumur, as the road in the river bank got flooded. This detour, was a long hard winding road passed through wineyard. We enjoyed it at first, but got very tired in the end. It was way pass 6pm when we were approaching Saumur and we couldnt find any shelter for bivouac. So we finally camped in the city campsite.

DAY 8 Samur – Montreuil Belay (23 km)

Knowing that today supposed to be a good day, we took our chance to go into escape route in Montreuil Belay chateau. While the road to go there was less inspiring, the chateu was a magnificent beauty. When we arrived, we took nearby campsite (as I am really lazy with the hastle of looking place for bivouac) directly with good view over looking a small river. Pierre brought one bottle of Cabernet D’Anjou to celebrate the day. Not bad at all.

DAY 9  Montreuil Belay – Saumur – St Martin de la Place (33 km)

We were sightseeing the town in morning, so we again launched quite late in the afternoon. Coming back to Saumur was no problem at all. The only ordeal for today was again, flooded route. Only at this time, we were lazy to take detour and went ahead “swim across” the ponded and muddy road instead. I was taking my shoes off, only to realize that it was bad decision because the bushes got spikes all around, so I was struggling a bit. We were a bit pissed in the end after failed to find places for bivouac and kinda stuck with a dull route that is just beside a highway. (really, I think this was the worst route so far we have encountered). Thanks God, we turned away from this road when we approaching St Martin de la Place. There we found small campsite and stayed the night,

DAY 10 St Martin De La Place – La Bohale (30 km)

Today was practically a half day again as we started late. Nothing special, as we continue our road to Angers. We stopped nearby La Bohalle as we found a place to stay. I hoped it will be our last bivouac.

DAY 11 La Bohale – Angers ( 27 km)

Approaching Angers, we tried our luck to go via south  (Le Pont du Cle, Ste-Gemmes-sur-Loire )  to find cheaper campsite. Instead, we found out that the cheapest campsite in the book was closed. So we pressed on from Bouchemaine and head to Lac de Maine. We enjoyed so much this road although it was heavily flooded at that time. After all, it was sandwiched between two water bodies, that was seemingly preserved for ecological habitat of birds. This time, we were having fun of crossing the water ( one part was flooded quite deep, that it nearly drowned the entire height of my front bag), of course with the pants folded up to knee and barefoot. We were still meeting people along the way, and joked around about it. It all end good. We were happy to find our campsite that is located in the recreational lake station. We took a like of it right away as we god special discount price for Loire a velo. The day ends good !

pumping station

Flooded route – the fun part

Bike house in campsite

DAY 12 – Angers (8 km)

Relaxing day as we visited Angers go and back. Sunny day. Awesome.

RECAP FACTS

• Distance Total : Orleans – Angers (354 km)
• Trip Long : 12 Days
• Budget for 2 person :
  • Train ticket (Nancy-Orleans + Angers – Nancy) : 280 Euro (includes bike place)
  • Foods (mostly quick cook, cans, snack and fruits, occasionally beers, pizza at the end ) : 125 euros
  • 5x campsite : 70 euros
  • Extra 1 night at hotel : 54 euros
  • Rental velo + bags : 100 euros (we rented the bike & equipment from an association , as part of their project of Dynamo Nomads. We thanks a lot Dynamo for this – as literally lending us the bikes and all equipment)
• Fun Stuffs :Bivouac, the feeling of freedom to stop anywhere, crossing the flooded route, disconnection, cute route with most of the time magical and serene scenery.
• Tips : Avoid rainy season. Pack Light !
• Principal Equipments :
  • Tent (
  • Sleeping bags, comfort to 10 degree, we couple it with smaller sleeping bag to gain more warmth
  • Air Mattres
  • Small folded chairs (this proven very useful after long bike day)
  • Cooking Set (
  • Gaz

Good thought

A usual daily morning browsing and how I feel like to live up this statement for myself :

 I wanted my activism to arise not from what I’m against, but from what I want to see happen in the world — what I’m for.

Considering this for a start perhaps :

 

Project Bumi Tuhan – initiated

 A chance of meeting someone, is never become a thing you can fully understand why. Perhaps, it is a well-plotted play, starring you and the other person, initiated by the alliance of time and space. Fate sounded magical and I would like to believe that there is nothing such as a coincidence. We all need a little bit of unknown territory, intangible story.

I met Pakdhe Yok (Pakdhe in Indonesian means big uncle, and Yok is his abbreviation from his first name Waloe”jo”) the first time in December 2009. I had a chance to study in Europe, and mas AA (one of my relative) told me that we still have a distant relative, a political exile, living in Paris. I visited him 3-4 times during my 2 years stay in Europe,  and I feel like I know him only in slight pieces, a projection of merely silhouette-yet an indisputable entity, like a shadow. (see on memoir : Waloejo Sedjati )

He passed away in September 2013, leaving behind his story in an autobiography book, titled Bumi Tuhan (Bumi in Indonesia means  the Earth, and Tuhan means God). Thanks to mas AA, it got published in Indonesia few months after. I was not able to get hold of it until just recently. After I read it, I was deeply touched by his story  in every ways : I was laughing reading his first flying experience to Kunming, I was immersed in his description of Pyongyang and its people under Kim Il Sung regime, I was happy when he finally got medical recognition in Moscow, I was thrilled to follow his crazy crossing adventure from Budapest to Paris. If it is a play, I would stand up and shouted “bravo !!” while wiping off my tears. But it is not, and I realize in the end, no matter how hard you work it out, happy ending is still a privilege-not a reward.

One time I had a chance to tell my Mexican friend about his journey, she put a comment : ” It’s a pity the book is in Indonesian. I would have read it”. My husband who had a chance to meet Pakdhe Yok, also told me : ” You should translate it in English”. So I am thinking , yes I could and should spread his story to broader audiences indeed. After all, his life journey represents a story of humanity, a struggle in ideology, a lost of family, a relic living memory of communism era.

Only that, instead of translating the book, I decided to re-tell his story in my own words. I always wanted to try writing a book somehow, and having all these affiliation with the subject will push my motivation to do my best work.  A work I dedicated to him, a work which will speak my respect to a man who confronted an enduring life until the end. RIP Waloejo Sedjati a.k.a Valery Selancy.

After Storm

What’s left is the sombre colour of after-storm sky in the peninsula of French Riviera. I feel like I have to move on to somewhere, otherwise my brain will get frozen as well. But I know dreaming is the only thing I can do at the moment. Reality seems far away than a cup of wake up coffee. I know I have to survive. I have yet to do something. I have yet passing my 30 line.

What’s left is the strumming sound of ukulele in the 28 meter square belle apartment. Even this, it sounds so so far away. But again, my young heart shouted : so what ? No matter how far, if you walk one step every day, you will reach that place someday. You can see it. You can smell it. You can breathe it. The impossible is still possible, getting rid of the word “im”.

What’s left is a small room in my empty heart where all feelings are fusing into a sucking Black hole. Regrets. Doubts. Rebels. Alienation. It has yet to release its explosion, bigger than supernova. And I’m thinking explosion is better than dying coldly. That’s how things can be born, out of nothingness.

What’s left is my fingers  keep writing on this blog which I created few seconds ago. I feel like I have to keep it flow, although I am struggling to harvest words from such a surreal idea. But I wont let it go. I want to connect this state of confusion, with my existence, here and now. All is because they said : Life happens anyway.

On memoir : Waloejo Sedjati

Saya mungkin hanya sebentar mengenal sosok Pakdhe Yok. Saya 2 kali berkunjung ke Paris,dimana yang terakhir saya tinggal kurang lebih sebulan di flat nya sembari mengambil les bahasa perancis. Pagi setelah sarapan, saya berangkat les. Pulangnya saya dan pakdhe biasa makan siang bersama di flat. Kadang saya atau kadang Pakdhe yang masak. Kegiatan sehari2 beliau menonton metro TV di internet atau mendengarkan radio Indonesia. Beliau tak banyak bercerita tentang masa lalu, walaupun beliau banyak berkomentar tentang kondisi politik di Indonesia. Catatan kecil ini saya buat tanggal 31 Agustus 2010 untuk blog pribadi saya. Saya share untuk sekedar mengenang beliau. 

The man breathed slowly on his bed. His eyes nailed down to the ceiling, unable to close. The clock was ticking to 2am, living behind a tireless midnight. At this very moment,the only thing that he wanted the most in this world is to fall asleep. Yet, while the room’s curtail has already been pulled down, his curtail of mind is relentlessly unfastened, revealing one by one the sceneries he knows so well, maybe even too well. He once again couldn’t help to travel back time.

When it comes to being able to sleep, he would do everything necessary to take, scientific or unscientific. Few years ago, 150mg of sleeping drugs was enough to beat down his insomnia. One year later he has to increase the doses twice more. Another year he had to take 4 pills at once, plus smoking couple cigarettes before slept overtook him. Not that he needed anyone to remind him how dangerous it is. For he is a doctor, he knows well the consequences : that the drugs could wrecking his nerves system and made him insane, especially at his age.

One time after my language class over, I walked him down to a park not far away from his flat.The park had a lot of hills and grass valley. The summer flowers were lining upon the side of the path: daffodils and some others in different color. The trees were abundant, providing chilly shades in every corner. He said to me this park was voted as the most beautiful parks in all arrondisements in Paris.I can see that very well. He said again he used to jog circling around or to have a lovey-dovey picnic with his wife in this park. I can imagine that too, very well.

20 minutes and that was all to take him to sit and have a rest on a bench. The sky was blue but i didn’t dare to say anything for i wasn’t sure he could enjoy the sky with one of his eyes blind. But he said he likes the weather and he still could see the bluish color of the sky. He then talked a bit about his life, about his initial revolt against the Soeharto reign and his determination to keep loyal to ‘Paduka YangMulia Soekarno’. A loyalty which cost him his nationality and became an outcast from his own country. A decision from which led him into one hell adventurous journey from North Korea, Russia, Budapest and ended up in Paris. The journey where he gained and he loses. While I was listening to him carefully, I was watching a flame inside his eyes, dancing freely. Young and outrageous.

The night after,he slept soundly for 10 hours straight. I could hear his snoring. I remember one thing he told me something about not being able to sleep. “For not being able to sleep, it is not the physical tiredness that makes me suffer the most. When you couldn’t sleep, you were prompt to gaze upon the ceiling above your head. You are tired but you couldn’t rest your mind, that is when all memories from the past flowing back, brings along the regret, guilty and rejection. That is what tormented me the most”. That is indeed cruel. I believe anyone hardly can fight this feeling alone all the time.

He is a man with an enduring life and therefore a lasting story to tell. Having spent his life wandering from one country to other country for almost 50years, what else could he possibly miss out from life?  Was he finally happy? What meaning does he finally give to his life? I couldn’t help myself for being intrigued by such questions.

That afternoon, was one of my special moment in Paris. While I was listening to him carefully, I was watching a shadow of an old man and a young girl sitting together on a bench. Their fates subtly coincide, and their hearts continue to speak somehow.